Memory
by Tom Tomorrow
Summary: Something is wrong. It is more than just lack of sleep at this point. It has to be more than that. ... ... ... She should have seen it coming though. Long stretches like this, of relative steadiness, these never happen. Moments like these, they never last. ... In which Kara gets sick...


It plants itself on a Sunday.

The nasty little seed worming its way into the steady, but not so steady life National City has afforded Maggie Sawyer.

It's the first moment in awhile in which somber melancholy wrenches away the easy evenings like this one.

It's the first moment in awhile in which worry takes drastic, unwanted turns.

It's the first moment in a while where she can't quite see a promising ending.

And it's entirely unwelcome.

She should have seen it coming though.

Long stretches like this, of relative steadiness, these never happen.

And that reality slips back, at least for the detective, on a lazy Sunday evening.

Weaseling forward when it's just her and Alex and the soft peeling of potato skins as they prepare dinner.

The tomatoes and the celery and all of the other vegan foods that Alex has deemed 'too healthy' lay freshly cut regardless on the table beside them.

The setting sun dimming the lights around them as she recounts a story from the police academy days.

Until she realizes that Alex isn't fully listening.

Instead, her girlfriend's brow is furrowed, her bottom lip between her teeth.

So she stops talking, drums her fingers gently on the table to get the taller brunette's attention and asks,

"Hey. Hey, what's wrong?"

A flicker of guilt flashes through the DEO agent's apologetic eyes as her nails dig into the half cut potato.

"I'm sorry… I just… I…. Does… Does Kara seem different to you?"

Alex asks slowly. Steadily. Dragging the words out, like she doesn't want to say the words aloud.

As if saying it would be admitting it was true.

Maggie stops peeling her own potato.

Furrows her own brow as she thinks.

"Different how?"

A lot of things have been different since the whole invasion thing a year ago.

Even though things had tempered down in the recent months.

Alex shrugs.

"I… I don't know. It's just that she's been… I don't know distracted? And tired. And late. Can you just tell me I'm being paranoid?"

The detective sweeps her fingers across her girlfriend's fingers, hoping to quell the worry that's already taken root in Alex and the worry that is beginning to take root in her.

"Babe, have you talked to her about it?"

But Maggie is still thinking.

Because Kara has been late. Has been tired.

Putting off events whether working related or personal.

Coming late to the ones she does show up too.

But the high demand of either of Kara's jobs could make anyone go a little stir crazy.

And the detective never said anything, had chalked it up to her being busy.

If anything, it was the officers in her unit, who know Kara as the bubbly blonde who brings bagels twice a week, who've noticed more, when she's late or doesn't show.

But if Alex is worried… this must have been a recurring thing.

"I have, but she says it's just me being overprotective."

And Maggie thinks.

Thinks hard.

And the seed of worry ingrains itself deeper.

Regret worming around her memories.

"I can keep an eye out for anything, Lex. But she's probably right, you are being too overprotective."

Because on the flipside, jumping to conclusions has never been the right thing to do.

She's wrong.

… … … …. ….  
The conversation that happened days ago never really completely leaves her mind, but it is put close to the back burner.

Because even when she and Alex spend a lot of time with each other, she and Kara barely see each other in the following week, with often conflicting schedules and a consistently increasing workload.

So they often only see each other in passing.

At the DEO, at crime scenes, mostly at night.

Until, as she struggles through mounting paperwork over the sounds of the ringing telephones, the fluttering of papers, the shuffling of feet, the murmuring of voices, a coffee cup slams on her desk.

"Jesus, Davidson! Don't scare people like that."

She gripes, flinching backward.

Her partner stands toothy-grinned, eyes crinkled above her, another coffee cup firmly in his hand.

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger for trying to help. That one's for you."

Davidson smiles, nudging the hot coffee forward with the knuckles of his hand.

Maggie only scowls.

"You want to help? Do some of my paperwork for me."

The red-haired officer laughs.

"Yeah, I'll pass. Hey, isn't that blondie?"

Maggie swivels around in her chair, squinting past the business of the precinct, meeting the line of sight that Davidson has.

And sure enough, it is Kara, dressed in her CatCo clothes, holding a brown bag stamped with the brown letters Bogie's Bagels.

Maggie frowns as she checks her watch.

Kara comes by the station every Tuesday and Thursday morning with bagels from the little café on the corner of 25th and Woodruff like clockwork.

At first, it was by Alex's insistence, as a way for the sister and the girlfriend to get to know each other better, though Alex used some excuse about not eating enough.

But right now it is Wednesday.

Afternoon.

So what is she doing here?

"Hey, over here!"

Davidson is yelling.

Waving his free arm as he beckons her over.

And Kara grins widely, appearing next to them in what could be considered maybe a touch too fast for normal.

"To what do we owe this pleasure?"

Davidson asks immediately pouncing on the bag Kara hands over.

"Yeah, Kara? Special occasion?"

The detective echoes casually.

Vision flitting over the younger woman as she remembers the promise she'd made to Alex.

"Special occasion?"

Kara echoes Maggie's own words, pushing up her glasses with the side of her finger.

"You know, I'm in here every Tuesday and Thursday."

The blonde continues. Exuberance dancing in her eyes.

"But it's Wednesday."

Davidson mumbles through a mouthful of bagel.

Kara pauses. Brow crinkling as the former exuberance dims slightly, replaced with something… confusion?

Just as quickly it's gone.

But the brief moment has gotten the detective's attention.

And she leans forward in her chair

"Yeah… I know that, but since here was on the way to work, figured I might as well stop by. Did you know they closed Papi's Sweets? I had to get them from Bogie's."

Kara says slowly, but smoothly.

This time it's Davidson who pauses and looks at Kara strangely.

"Damn, they must be working you hard at Catco. Papis closed two months ago."

Kara shifts onto her other leg, oh so subtly away from them, eyes flitting between her's and Davidson.

And the subsequent laugh she let's out sounds a little forced.

"Yeah, work has me a little scatterbrained. Anyways I gotta go, Snapper's going to kill me if I'm late again. Enjoy the bagels!"

She's already leaving before they can say goodbye.

Maggie jumps up from her desk, leaving Davidson with a bag full of food, as she jogs after her.

"Kara! Kara, wait!"

The blonde freezes, turns around to face her.

And god, Maggie always forgets the extraordinary height difference between the two.

"Are you alright?"

Maggie asks as she tilts her head inquiringly.

"I mean, I'm not the best at-

"Yeah," Kara cuts in defensively, although she doesn't sound too convincing.

"Just a little tired."

Tired. Right.

It doesn't sound too implausible.

Okay.

"You should get some rest, Kara. Bagels can't keep everyone going."

And Kara offers her a real smile.

One that makes it seem like everything is okay.

… … …

The super friends are back together. Or at least, that's how Winn likes to say it.

At Alex's place, well technically their place. It still feels amazing to say it.

Winn, Lyra, James, Vasquez, and Kara are piled onto the living room couch.

Chatting with each other as they play a game of charades.

Rather James, Kara, Alex and the detective play a game of charades.

Winn and Lyra are too busy flicking cards at each other. Vasquez is too busy bent over laughing.

But it's nice to have moments like these.

To take a break from the hasty rush of the last few weeks.

To feel normal for once.

The blonde is drawing something down on the sheet of paper, something that looks suspiciously like a narwhal, but that suggestion has already been made and shot down by James.

It's really hard to see with the fading color of the pen.

It's only a matter of time before it stops working completely.

And that time is apparently now because Kara stops drawing and starts scribbling furiously on the page with her pen, leaving nothing but indentations from the inkless scribbles.

She tosses it down onto the floor, sighing dramatically as she scans the room for a replacement.

"Hey, can you pass me a new–"

The blonde stops, furrows her brow and frowns.

Maggie feels Alex tense against her shoulder.

Sees the way Alex bites her lip.

The rambunctiousness of the other three fades a bit as the silence goes on for a beat longer than it needs to.

"Pen?"

James fills in, slightly amused.

"Pen."

Kara repeats slowly as if she's just hearing this new foreign word for the first time.  
A nervous tension sweeps over the room.

The blonde doesn't seem to notice the fact that half the room is watching her intently, or if she does, she doesn't mention it, as she stares absentmindedly at the drawing.

Then she sighs, raking a hand through her long, blonde hair.

"Right. Uh… Winn can you hand me another pen?"

Winn tosses another one to her with ease, glancing furtively at Alex.

Only Lyra, James, and Lyra seemed to have completely skipped the awkward moment.

And Kara continues drawing.

Alex is rigid as a board next to her.

Maggie isn't much better off.

The game doesn't seem that fun anymore.

… …. …

Kara forgetting her words starts becoming a usual occurrence after that.

Simple words like car, and pencil, and TV.

In the precinct, the cops laugh it off, because how can someone forget the word bagels when she brings them in twice a week.

At the DEO, they regard it as banter, because how can she forget the word alien when she is one.

Davidson buys her a dictionary as a joke.

James teases that Kara needs a spell check for her brain.

Maggie doesn't see it as big fun like everyone else. Neither does Alex.

Alex becomes even more worried and increasingly frustrated, probably has a whole speech prepared in her mind about to confront her sister with how worried she is.

It isn't helped when Kara continuously defends anything even remotely strange by saying she's tired.

And Maggie wonders how many other people Alex has told about Kara.

The detective knows her girlfriend told J'onn because he's been rolling back some missions.

Though there was nothing to really stop Kara if she wanted too.

Winn, though, he keeps on shooting worried glances.

He's obviously catching on, and it's easy to forget that he and Kara were close friends before any of this.

All of this.

But it's not her place to tell him.

A friend of hers had heard through the grapevine that, Lena Luthor, of all people, forced the blonde to take a day off.

But Kara laughs and laughs, and insists she's just… tired.

But something is wrong. It is more than just sleeping at this point.

It has to be more than that.

Then Kara forgets, god… right as she's being introduced to an audience.

It's at another unveiling ceremony, considering the first one with the submarines and bombs and all didn't go too well.

Security has been amped up massively for this one.

Alex is in the crowd somewhere, working security detail.  
J'onn is watching from overhead.

Maggie and about two dozen other cops are securing the peripheral.

And the Mayor calls Supergirl up, ready to congratulate her, but she doesn't move.

Everyone laughs at Kara thinking she's just joking around, but Kara continues to stare ahead absentmindedly.

If she could see Alex's face right now…

The mayor awkwardly clears his throat. Says her name again.

Kara unfreezes, then, realizing where she is, plays it up.

The audience eats it up of course, especially after Kara starts joking around with the mayor on the stage.

And the detective thinks that maybe just maybe, they'll be able to get through this without any other mishaps.

Then Kara refers to National City as Midvale.

Twice.

States how grateful it is to be protecting the city she grew up in.

Someone corrects her.

And the look of uncertainty that flits across the blonde's features is more than enough for Maggie to just want to call the whole thing off.

But it's not up to her, and Kara apologizes profusely, though the bit more subdued tone of the ceremony afterward is a painfully present.

A few smart comments are made by the cops on her com lime.

Maggie quickly puts an end to that.

Afterwards, she sees the sisters arguing as the crowd begins to dissipate.

She doesn't know what they're saying, but she can tell that it's animated.

She can tell it's fueled with the best intentions.

She can tell that both sisters are stubborn and are unwilling to listen to the other.

It ends with Kara shooting up in the sky.

She doesn't see Kara for almost a week after that.

And all she can wait for is the shoe to drop.  
… ….

The shoe drops almost a week later.

The sky is dark, bereft of anything except the occasional flashes of white lightning, reflecting off the falling rain.

They're curled up on the couch.

Just enjoying each other's company.

Then Alex's phone rings.

It's Kara.

She can't remember how to get home.

.. …. … …

Alex doesn't say anything on the drive to get her, but if her whitened knuckles on the steering wheel are any indication… the thoughts are obvious.

Kara is a soaked, shivering mess.

Her eyes are red, her hair plastered to her face, her teeth chattering as they usher her into the car.

Maggie and Alex switch off.

Alex sitting with her sister in the back, the detective taking control in the driver's seat.

It's already been decided they aren't going home.

No. This goes straight to the DEO.

And between Alex's quiet hushed whispers, Kara's shaky apologies, and the thundering rain, Maggie can tell this is going to be a long night.

… … … …

The kryptonian is clearly shaken up, she refuses to move from underneath Alex's arms, and by the time they pull into the parking lot, she's pretty much a ghost of herself.

But if anyone in the DEO is surprised at them ushering in a soaking wet, miserable Supergirl into the facility in the middle of the night, they don't say anything.

J'onn is the only one she recognizes, as they approach in the control room and he drops everything that was considered a priority when he sees them.

Helps Alex as he takes over ushering the Kryptonian to medical.

Alex tells Maggie that she doesn't have to come, telling the detective that there's probably nothing else that she'd be able to do.

So she elects to wait in Alex's office, watching the minutes pass by on her phone.

Turning down the offers of water and food from the other agents, as her heart pounds in her chest, as anxiety wrangles its way to the surface.

Minutes become hours.

Hours upon hours.

The trio is all gone for longer than she expected.

She foolishly thought, that whatever it was would only be a matter of sunlamps, now it's becoming clear that it's not.

And Maggie just wishes she hadn't so willingly stayed behind.

Alex comes back much, much later.

She's alone.

Her stance is rigid, her posture stiff.

It could mean anything until she sees the look in Alex's eyes.

Bloodshot. She'd obviously been crying.

"Oh Al…"

Her whispered words fracture Alex's facade and she can tell that her girlfriend is about to cry again.

So the detective envelops Alex in her arms.

Says that she doesn't have to explain it right now.

But the DEO agent had always been stubborn like that.

So even when the words are thick and frail and strained as the taller brunette stifles her own tears, she explains.

The diagnosis isn't set in stone, at least that's what the J'onn said.

Brain disorders never are.

They don't have a lot to go on because Kara and her cousin are the only ones left.

It's a rare case, her girlfriend says, and Alex jokes that Kara is too.

Neither of them laugh.  
… … …

Kara takes it better than anyone else.

She spends hours with the hologram of her birth mother, then days at the Fortress of Solitude with J'onn, doing as much research as she can.

She makes a laundry list of the words she forgets, and she tries to learn them off by heart.

Going over them with her and Alex, until the list is too long and too depressing to look at.

Then she works up the nerve to tell her friends.

She doesn't want to keep them in the dark, though Maggie suspects they've figured out most of it by now.

In retrospect, she shouldn't be so surprised, the girl who was lied to all her life, hates lying to others.

She corrals them to Alex's apartment. All of them.

Starting conversation as if it's normal, making jokes, telling stories, and the rest join in and for a moment it's just like normal.

Just another Super Friends night.

The lump in her throat reminds her it's not.

Alex reminds her it's not.

And when Kara finally breaks the news, the room is dead silent.

"Wait… what?"

Winn asks, after staring at Kara for a long moment, trying to determine if she's joking or not.

Kara only shrugs, but she's shifted closer towards Alex, intertwining her hands into her older sister's own.

The silence continues for a beat more.

Maggie can see the unshed tears in the blonde's eyes. In Alex's. In her own.

"I'm… I'm so sorry."

It's all it takes for the blonde to break down.

Lena makes her go on forced sabbatical at Catco because if she's been working with this for so long, it becomes clear Kara won't stop working on her own.

J'onn urges the same thing in regards to the DEO, but doesn't outright outlaw it.

Winn and James won't stop apologizing.

Lyra and Vasquez can't even wrap their heads around it.

In the end, nothing they can say will make anything better.

… … ...

Later that night, when she works up the courage to tell Eliza and Clark over the phone, Kara cries some more.

Alex and Maggie can hear her crying from Alex's bedroom.

Can hear her begging Clark to stay in Metropolis, because he has a life too, and can't spend it moping here.

Can hear her telling Eliza, that it's fine, it doesn't warrant a trip out here.

It doesn't stop either of them from coming.

… … ...

It's bittersweet.

To see all the family together.

To see Clark and Alex not arguing.

To see Eliza getting along with everyone.

To see Lucy and James under the same roof, much less the same room.

To see everyone's personal arguments put aside.

She even manages to hold a congenial conversation with Lena Luthor.

No matter how awkward.

But the good times.

The good times never last.

Long stretches like this, of relative steadiness, these never happen.

Three days later Kara has a seizure.  
…. …. …

The seizures don't really stop after that.

Whatever it is, it is fast progressing.

The symptoms hitting harder. Getting worse.

And they all hate just sitting back and watching.

They all hate feeling so helpless.

Because of everyone, why Kara?

She's the one who loved too deeply.,

The one who shined.

The one who was always happy.

The one who had already been through goddamn much.

Her only vice was her innate willingness to put her trust into absolutely anyone.

And out of everyone and all of their faults, it had to be her?

And if there is anyone who takes it the hardest.

It's Alex and Clark.

Both who feel some sort of ornate responsibility.

Both of them would die in a heartbeat for her, but instead, it's the other way around.

And it's hard to fight something that isn't an easy target.

Because this time it's not CADMUS's fault.

It's not Lillian's fault.

It's not Non's fault.

It's not Fort Rozz's fault.

It's just a case of fucked up genetics.

And what kind of ending is that, to survive catastrophic event after event, to be given a life sentence at twenty-five because of a few shitty pieces of DNA.

…. … .. … ….

Weeks pass.

Kara moves in with them.

Taking the guest room.

Clark and Lois commute between Metropolis on the weekends.

Eliza stays at Kara's old apartment.

They try to keep everything as normal as possible.

Alex still has sister nights.

Lena still takes her out for lunch.

James and Winn talk about Guardian activities.

Hell, Cat shows her own affection by reading and reviewing Kara's previous articles.

And every goddamn week they have a Super Friends get together.

Even when there are days when Kara doesn't recognize them all.

…. … …

She wakes up in the middle of the night.

The white light of the television bouncing off her face and the room around her.

The first thing she registers though, is the heat of Alex, sleeping against her.

And as her eyes shift lazily over the room, trying to figure out what woke her up, and she realizes...

Kara's gone.

Her blood runs cold.

She turns quickly, surveying the room.

Eyes bouncing from occupant to occupant.

Alex beside her.

Eliza on the arm chair.

Winn sprawled out on the sofa.

But where's Kara?

A third glance around the room and she sees her.

The outline of the blonde on the balcony.

So the detective gently removes herself from under Alex, and goes to investigate.

'Hey, whatcha doing out here kid?"

Maggie asks, softly closing the glass door behind her, as not to wake the rest of the sleeping occupants.

Kara's sitting on the edge of the balcony, legs dangling off the edge, golden hair glinting in the luminous moonlight.

Dubiousness weighs in the Kryptonian's eyes as they flit over the detective, trying to determine who she is.

"Maggie?"

The blonde questions eventually.

Slowly, as if molasses is dripping off the word.

"Yeah, it's me."

Kara nods to herself, then looks away, back up at the moon and the starry sky above them.

"Um…."

The blonde's fingers curl against concrete of Alex's bannister.

An ugly cracking sound emanates from the surfacing cracks as the grinding pressure of her strength against stone sends sandy white dust to the floor and the street below them.

But still they don't uncurl, she doubts if Kara's even registered it.

She doesn't look up either.

"You… you… love my sister right?"

The uncertainty is unwavering and it breaks her heart to see how the blonde can't even trust her own thoughts.

"Of course, Kara… Of course, I love your sister."

A moment of silence passes.

Kara's brow is furrowed, a carefully passive expression across her face.

Then she's shaking her head in refusal, but to what Maggie doesn't know.

"My planet used to be right there…"

She murmurs used to be right there, left arm snaking up from the bannister, pointing at some distant spot in the starry night sky.

" I… I asked my mom. Not my real mom… but the fake one… the fake one Alex made. With the… with the…"

"Hologram?"

Maggie offers.

Kara shrugs, eyes still focused on the spot in the sky.

"Mhm. She showed me where it was. Where it would have been… My planet… It's gone now."

Kara's voice shakes at the last part.

Maggie doesn't have to look away from the the stars at the sky to see the unshed tears in her eyes.

"I know."

She whispers softly.

"No… no you don't know. I was thirteen. I was…. And it just… there was so much fire and so much… so much.. Death… and everyone was gone. Everyone!"

Her quiet, desperate words are muddled with tears.

And Kara's right she doesn't know, but it doesn't mean she shouldn't try.

"And my Mom was dead. And my Dad. And my friends. And my teacher and everyone. Everyone except Kal, but… e-even him because he wasn't who he w-was supposed to be."

The blonde's shoulders are shaking. Heaving with the effort to get those words out.

And Maggie doesn't say anything, convinces herself that it's because she wants to allow Kara get these words off her chest, because there will be a time she won't be able to say the things she's saying now.

But it's also because she can't trust herself to speak with the lump in her throat.

Her own vision going blurry, until the pristine starry dots are blurry splotches.

"B-but the Danvers took me in. And Alex…. Alex was the… was the best sister I could ever ask for. Even when she hated me at first."

Her laugh is miserable. Full of sorrow.

"And… And she's done everything for me. Everything…. even when it was all my fault. Even when Eliza and And… And… her…. Her… he died."

Kara trails off.

Tearing her vision away from the stars, back to her lap.

Silent tears trailing down her face.

And it dawns on Maggie that she can't remember Jeremiah's name.

"So you have to…. You have to…. You have to mean it, when you say you love my sister. You have to mean it. Because she needs her family, the only other ones she has are... are... her c-cousin and Eliza. Because everyone else… is- i-is dead. And she needs someone t-to l-love her. So you need to mean it. You n-need to mean it. So… so she won't be all a-alone."

Kara insists, looking right at her then.

Refusing to look away, even as her lips tremble and her shoulders heave with emotion, dark lashes brimming heavy with tears.

Despair is the only thing she can see in them.

Maggie realizes two things then.

One, that Kara's mixing her and Alex's pasts.

Two, that Kara is more worried about how Alex is going to end up in all of this.

More than anything else.

And it breaks her heart.

"Kara, I love your sister. Nothing will ever, ever change that."

It's the honest truth.

One she had no trouble saying out loud.

Because God, she's never found someone she's connected with so much.

And Kara's the closest thing she could ever get to having a sister, so she won't lie.

She'll never lie.

Cobalt eyes search hers for any inkling of deception.

Maggie refuses to be the first one to look away.

Until Kara, at last, breaks the gaze, the sniffling, wiping her arm across her face to rid the tears.

They don't stop flowing.

So Maggie does probably the second stupidest thing she's ever done in her entire life and climbs over the railing to sit with her.

Alex's apartment is on the thirty-second floor, the height is a little more than unnerving, but she shuffles as close as she can get to Kara without spooking her.

Because this is family.

And she'll stay out here all damn night if she has too.

… .. .. .. .. …. …

It plants itself on a Sunday.

The nasty little seed worming its way into the steady, but not so steady life National City has afforded its occupants.

It's a moment in which somber melancholy wrenches away the easy evenings.

It's a moment in which worry takes drastic, unwanted turns.

It's a moment where she can't quite see a promising ending.

And it's entirely unwelcome.

She should have seen it coming though.

Long stretches like this, of relative steadiness, these never happen

But at least for now they have each other.


End file.
